Good morning, everyone. I’m not sure but hope that summer has finally arrived in these rain-sodden lands. It has stopped raining, the temperatures have crept up to the early 20s, and there is even … gasp … a hint of sunshine. Do I trust it to stick around? No, probably not, but I have made the most of it and every moment I wasn’t at work I was outside in the garden, painting.
Have I finished? Yes. Well, almost. As you read this, I will be in the garden putting the final coat on four of the fence panels and one trellis panel. Then that will be it. Almost. There is still the new covering over the pergola to arrange and paint but I haven’t yet sourced the wood for that so there is nothing I can do about that.
The garden is looking amazing. I am beyond happy and incredibly proud of what I have achieved. The colour works so well and once I get my new plants in, I will be ready to show my garden at Chelsea Flower Show. And I finished it before my deadline. The girls come home next Thursday so I’ve finished with a day to spare, which is good because I will need Wednesday to sort their room and the rest of the house out.
I have asked for garden centre vouchers or cold hard cash for my birthday. Plants don’t come cheap and as I want to buy reasonably established shrubs it’s going to cost more pennies than I currently have.
What has happened since we last chatted?
Well, last time I mentioned that I would be at the Leiston Summer Fair the next day. I was so tired I wasn’t sure I wanted to do it but had booked and paid the pitch fee so felt I really should make the effort. I sorted everything out and packed the car up the night before. It was about an hour’s drive, and I needed to be there by 9:30 at the absolute latest so I decided to leave about eight-ish to allow time for traffic.
I overslept the next morning and could not get my stiff and aching bag of bones to move very fast, so it was almost 8:30 by the time I was on the road. I plugged my destination into Google Maps and set off, but the Map Lady took me out of town in a direction I didn’t think was right. I wondered if something was amiss, and she was taking me to Laxfield where I’d been the previous week. I pulled up in the entryway to the recycling yard — that hour on a Sunday morning it was closed — put my glasses on and looked at the route planner. Yep, for some reason it had put Laxfield as my destination, not Leiston. Operator error? Possibly. I was still half asleep.
I started again and this time made sure that Leiston was my destination. I got onto the A14 and headed east, glad the road was clear so I could try and make up for lost time. All was going well until I turned off the motorway and headed cross country. Another road closure. This time the barrier was right across the road so there was no squeezing around it. I put my faith in Google Maps Lady and off we went into deepest, darkest Suffolk again. The roads grew narrower and twistier. The verges were so overgrown from all the rain that I couldn’t see what was coming the other way. The lane was barely wide enough for my car, so I crawled along terrified I’d meet something coming the other way.
I turned a corner, and my worst nightmare was there. A cyclist. Right in the middle of the lane. Now, there was space for him to pull over to the side of the road and let me by. That would have been the courteous thing to do. Did he? Did he feck. Nope, he wobbled along ahead of me smack bang in the centre of the lane for fifteen minutes!
Fifteen long and tedious minutes during which I crawled along at 5 miles an hour and watched his Lycra-clad buttocks clench and unclench ahead of me. I ground my teeth with frustration and swore out loud. In my head, I ran him over and left his still-twitching corpse in my dust. In real life, there was nothing I could do but pray he would either remember his manners or turn off onto another road.
Finally, the road widened and straightened enough for me to rev up, get out of first, and roar past him. In my mirror, I saw his face screwed up with exertion under his bunch-of-bananas-shaped helmet.
Now seriously late I tried to go as fast as the law and the road would allow me, but it was still 9:50 when I finally arrived. Men in high-vis jackets descended on my car.
We thought you weren’t coming!
Road closure, country lanes, bloody selfish cyclist.
Say no more. Let’s get you unpacked so you can go and park your car.
I was all discombobulated by being so late and the stress of a drive through the wilderness. I parked the car and ran back to the hall. The fair was due to open at ten and it was only a few minutes before then. I threw my table up and hastily chucked together a book display. Luckily, I have now done so many events I’m quick at putting my stand together.
We waited for punters. Although it was dry and sunny, there was a rather brisk wind blowing in through the open doors. Again, I wondered if I would do well enough to make it worth the cost of the pitch fee, diesel, and the strain on my blood pressure. A couple of fellow authors from my local group were doing a Comic-Con in Ipswich that day. I had been asked to join them but had already booked and paid for Leiston. It would be typical if they had a stellar day, and I barely scraped enough sales to cover my expenses.
The morning crawled by. I had a couple of sales but nothing to shout about and I was beginning to suspect the day was going to be a flop. Then suddenly, there was a flurry of people and then another and another and I began to sell. I began to sell A LOT. Several didn’t buy just one book, but two, three, or even four each. I munched my way through four blueberry cereal bars and was constantly glugging water. I treated myself to a cup of coffee to boost my flagging energy. I bought a raffle ticket. It was only a pound, and the proceeds were going to the venue.
I kept selling. As I sold out of a particular book, I had to rearrange my stall to cover the gaps. At the end of the fair, I had only four books left. I had sold a total of 18 paperbacks and 4 eBooks. An incredible result for such a small event. In comparison, the authors who did the Ipswich Comic-Con didn’t do anywhere near as well.
Then they called the raffle. To my stunned surprise, I won first prize.
Very excited — I never win anything — I went to collect my prize. It was the biggest box of fruit I have ever seen in my life. Seriously, this thing was huge. It took a burly man to carry it out to my car. Driving home with a greengrocer shop on the back seat, I wondered what on earth to do with it. After all, there’s only so much fruit one girl can eat!
Dreading the thought of the trip home and all those lanes and the possibility Mr Cyclist might be lying in wait, I was very relieved when Google Maps Lady took me another route. To my surprise, I was suddenly westbound crossing the Orwell Bridge on the A14. Not a country lane in sight, I drove home very happy that I knew where I was and that it was a proper road.
Reaching home at gone four, the last thing I felt like doing was dealing with a hundredweight of fruit. But I was at work the next two days, so it had to be sorted that evening. I unpacked the car, put away my show stuff, put the radio on and set to.
I picked out all the apples and pears, peeled and diced them, and threw them into a big pot on the stove with a dash of water, sugar, and a generous helping of mixed spice. I then found all the plums, peaches, and nectarines. I washed, cored, and diced them and threw them into the pot as well. I planned to stew them, then cool and portion them up to freeze to use in crumbles, pies and tarts over the summer.
The pineapples, melons and kiwi, I peeled, cored, and chunked. I then put baking parchment on four flat trays, placed all the fruit on so they didn’t touch and slid them into the freezer. Once frozen, I scooped them off into bags and put them in the freezer.
There were two bunches of grapes, one green and one red. I eat a lot of red grapes, so I just washed and dried them and placed them in the fridge, then crossed red grapes off my shopping list. The green ones I washed and dried, then picked them off the stalk and placed them in a bag. This went into the freezer.
There was a pallet of strawberries and one of raspberries. I washed and dried them ready for dessert that evening and breakfast in the morning.
There were eight large oranges. Two I sliced up and froze and bagged ready to go in drinks over the summer. The rest I juiced and then portioned and froze the juice.
I looked at what I had left.
A bunch of bananas, a pomegranate, and a handful of tangerines.
I’m allergic to bananas and I’m not keen on tangerines … well, I like them, but can’t be bothered with the sheer faff of peeling them and picking all the disgusting pith bits off the segments. I put a couple of bananas in a bag with four tangerines. My boss always has bananas and tangerines with her lunch, so I planned to take them to her the next day. One of the bananas had split and gone to the dark side, so that was binned. The rest I put in a basket on the table for the lodger to have along with the remaining tangerines.
That left the pomegranate. Again, I don’t mind it as a fruit but it’s an even bigger pain in the arse to eat than tangerines.
I added salad and goat’s cheese to my shopping list. I’ve had pomegranate seeds in a salad before and it was quite nice.
By six that evening there wasn’t a scrap of fruit wasted. I wasn’t sure how well my home freezing of fruit would go but as I spend a lot of money on buying ready frozen fruit, I figured it was worth a try.
PS. It worked brilliantly, and I’ve been having big bowls of fruit cocktail for breakfast most mornings. I take out a selection of fruit, put it in a bowl, and then blitz it for two minutes in the microwave. Add Greek yoghurt and honey. Delicious.
So, I took the fruit to my boss the next day and told her all about the mahoosive stash of fruit and the remaining pomegranate.
Cut it in half, she told me, then whack it firmly with a metal spoon. It’s a Jamie Oliver tip. All the seeds will fall out.
Hmm. Tried it. I cut the fruit in half and placed the cut side down on the chopping board. I whacked it with a metal spoon. Juice splattered everywhere. The kitchen was covered. I had it on my eyelids. Thanks for nothing, Jamie Oliver.
On Wednesday I painted, cleaned the house, and went shopping.
I have a large wicker sofa in the garden which I’ve had for a while. It’s too big for my tiny garden and I should never have bought it, but Franki pestered and pleaded to have it and said she’d use it all the time. I bought it. Did she ever use it? No, not really. It is just too big and being a deep half-moon shape I don’t find it particularly comfortable. I offered it to a friend because she has a large garden where it could comfortably get lost. She contacted me on Wednesday and said she and her husband could collect it Thursday evening, so I supposed I needed to do something about replacing it. I have been looking on eBay and local marketplaces, but I only wanted a little, two-seater sofa and everything I saw was either too big or came with chairs and tables or was simply too far away to make it viable to go and get it.
I looked on Amazon. Found exactly what I wanted for £80 delivered for free on Friday. Brilliant. I bought it. I also wanted a storage box to put all the garden cushions in. Currently, they are stored in my bedroom or under the spare bed, which is very impractical and a real pain. I wanted to put the box in the return outside the back door so if anyone wanted to sit outside then the cushions were readily available without having to go upstairs and poke about the bedrooms. Likewise, if it began to rain it was easy to put the cushions away.
I looked on Argos. There was one exactly the right shape, size, and colour, in the sale for £30. I bought and paid for it. It’s ready to be collected first thing Thursday from your local store, I was told. Finally, I had a few bits of garden rubbish I needed to get rid of — the old tortoise box, some scrap metal, and old bamboo canes. I booked a slot at the local recycling yard for nine o’clock, Thursday morning.
Thursday morning, I was up bright and early and at Waitrose by eight. I needed a few bits of shopping for dinner and wanted to get some more of that delicious three-cheese bread that we’d had the week before. Scanning the fresh bread display I couldn’t see it anywhere. I asked an assistant.
Oh sorry, the assistant said. We did have some, but it was sold first thing.
First thing? It’s only just gone eight. The store opened at eight. How much more first thing could it be?
We open at 7:30 now, she told me. I had a few loaves, but they all sold out.
Please Waitrose, cook more three-cheese bread so there’s enough to go around after the greedy early birds buy the lot.
I rushed home, put away the shopping, and threw the garden rubbish in the car. I zipped around to the recycling yard and joined the queue to get in. It’s all very modern and trendy now, not like the old days when you just rocked up whenever and found a space. Now, you must book and give your registration number. There’s numberplate recognition software on the barrier so it scans your numberplate, checks its list, and lifts the barrier when it finds you. But that was okay because I’d booked and had the confirmation email.
I drove up to the barrier and waited. It didn’t open. I reversed and drove up again. It still wouldn’t open.
Your name’s not on the list. You’re not coming in.
I got out and looked for someone in a high-vis jacket. I eventually found a gaggle of them in a portacabin drinking tea.
I’ve booked, I bleated. I’ve got the email, but the barrier won’t lift.
They all looked at me with bored indifference.
There’s a button.
A button?
Yeah, on the barrier. Press the button, love, you’ve got to press the button.
Oh, right.
I went back to the barrier. Sure enough, there was a button. I pressed it. It rang and rang and then was answered.
Welcome to Vodafone’s answering service. Please leave your name and number after the tone and someone will get back to you within 24 hours.
Wait. What? 24 hours? I wasn’t going to stand there for 24 hours. Besides, there was a quite sizeable queue forming behind my car.
Suddenly, the barrier rose. Elated, I jumped into my car and started the engine. I slammed my door shut and drove forward as the barrier swung down with force. I stood on the brakes. What the actual …? I got out of the car. I swear I could hear that fecking barrier sniggering.
Too slow, Susan!!
I pressed the button again. Nothing happened. It didn’t even ring that time. I pressed it again. And again. And Again. AND AGAIN!
Eventually, a man in a high-vis jacket wandered over.
Press the button.
I DID press the button. It told me to leave a message, and someone would call me tomorrow. And then when the barrier did go up it didn’t stay up long enough for me to get through.
Try again, was his sterling advice.
Gritting my teeth, I tried again. The barrier went up.
Quick! he yelled.
People in the cars behind were also yelling words of encouragement out of their windows as I sprinted to the car, hurled myself in, gunned the engine and shot forward to loud applause.
I was in. Blimey. It’s never been that hard to recycle rubbish before. It was like some kind of Mad Max scenario. Man against the Machine.
I tossed away my few bits of rubbish and then saw a young man wandering around clutching a few tatty and very sun-bleached orange plastic pots.
Are you throwing those away? I asked.
He looked at me and then at the pots, clearly a bit taken aback.
Umm, yes.
Cool. Can I have them?
Umm, yeah.
He handed them to me. High-vis man who had witnessed the handover beamed at me.
I approve of this, he said.
Oh good, I’m so glad you do. Maybe next time you could have words with the barrier and tell it that my name IS on the list and that I AM allowed in.
I then shot across town to the garden centre and bought two potted ferns and another tin of the incredible Rust-Oleum universal paint. I wanted to do the coal bunkers and downpipes in it. I then charged to Argos and picked up my new storage box and was home before ten.
It had been Mum’s birthday on Wednesday. As she was already doing something else on Wednesday, I invited my parents to lunch on Thursday. After all my shenanigans at the recycling yard and Argos, I quickly laid the table and then trundled out to collect them. My brother was going to pick them up on his way home from work. I kept lunch simple. Cheesy garlic bread for starters eaten in the garden with a Bucks Fizz each. Then we moved indoors because it grew chilly. The main course was homemade lasagne (which I’d made the day before) with salad, then I’d made individual crumbles with some of the stewed fruit, and ice cream. Followed by a small cheeseboard.
The weather perked up for the weekend. It was dry and reasonably sunny, so I spent both days in the garden painting. The end was in sight. I was so close and felt confident that I would finish before my deadline for the girls’ return. Oh, and those old pots I rescued. Well, I cleaned them and applied a single coat of the magical Rust-Oleum paint, and they came out looking like a million dollars.
And now it’s late Saturday afternoon. The sun has been shining and the white legs, shorts, and sleeveless shirts are out in force. I wasn’t sure it was warm enough to justify such a display of pasty flesh and I was right when the sky clouded over and cold rain bucketed down for half an hour or so, making everyone shriek and dive into shops. But it’s now sunny again and the forecast is for a dry day tomorrow with temps of 23 degrees centigrade. I hope it’s right. I need one more day in that garden to finish.
One last funny thing to share with you. I dashed to Tesco yesterday morning to pick up a few bits and pieces. Neil Diamond came on the store radio, and I hummed along to Sweet Caroline, even breaking into song at one point.
Sweet Caroline, I softly sang.
Wah wah wah, sang the lady beside me.
Good times never seemed so good, chimed in a man on the other side of the aisle.
A member of staff stood there with a broad grin on their face.
I like this aisle; everyone is happy and singing and not getting annoyed with me that they can’t find what they want.
Well, it was Neil Diamond …
And on that note, I must leave you. This is a simply huge blog. I didn’t realise I had so much to tell you. Oh, and lastly, my book sale this week is for Sugar & Spice, book three of the Blackwood Family Saga. The eBook is available for just 99p and the paperback has been reduced to £6.99 (or local currency equivalent). There’s a universal link on the books page and the sale lasts until midnight on Friday the 28th of June.

Take care of yourselves. The next time we chat it will be July and the girls will be home.
Julia Blake


















