There is a famous scene at the end of the film The Wizard of Oz, when Dorothy must click her heels together three times and say, “There’s no place like home.” When I was a child, this made no sense to me at all. Why would Dorothy want to leave Oz, that magical, colourful land of splendour, where all her friends are, to go back to that dingy, black and white house in the middle of the Kansas dustbowl to live with her strict aunt and uncle? As an adult, I totally get it because there is no place like home.
Someone once sneeringly accused me of being very houseproud. As an intended insult, this confused me. Yes, I am very proud of my home. Aren’t you? Because if you’re not, then you’re living in the wrong house or have the wrong people living with you. I have lived in my current home for thirty-five years since 1991. That’s a long time to live somewhere you don’t like. Luckily, I love my home. I always have. Ever since a friend who was an estate agent insisted I view it because, in his words, “It has a good vibe, and I think you’ll like it”. From the moment I stepped through the front door, it was like the house said, “Oh, it’s you, welcome home.” It wrapped its arms about me, and it has never let go. I knew I had to have the house, despite the lack of central heating or a kitchen, despite all the windows needing replacing, the electrics needing attention, and the whole place needing redecorating from top to bottom; I knew this was my home.
When I got married for the first time and moved out of my parents’ house, my first home was a small flat in town. It was laughingly referred to as two-bedroomed. In reality, it had one small bedroom we just about got a 4-foot bed into, plus a tiny box room that a small single fitted into. There was a minuscule entrance hall with a boiler cupboard, an equally small bathroom, then a long lounge with a kitchenette tucked around the corner. It also had a balcony of sorts outside the front door.
At the time of purchase in June 1988, the housing market was a seller’s paradise. House prices were rising by the hour. A property would go on the market at breakfast and be sold by dinner time. It was six weeks before our wedding, and we still had nowhere to live. In desperation, I visited every single estate agent in town. I schmoozed them, made them like me, and gave them my details. I extracted a promise that should anything — and I meant, ANYTHING — come on the market in town and within my budget, they would call me and give me first refusal. It worked. Three days later, an estate agent called. There was a flat for sale. Was I interested? Was I? Well, I made an offer sight unseen. My fiancé was away, so he’d told me to make an offer on anything I thought would do. It was two days before I was able to go and view the flat. And yes, it was small, but it was charming and would do as a starter home. The design was nice because it wasn’t in a soulless block but in a nice private close, and all the front doors opened onto private balconies with wooden steps leading down to the car park.
The sale proceeded quickly. We were first-time buyers with a mortgage already in place. The sellers were buying an empty house. They were pregnant and wanted to move asap so we liaised with each other, kept nagging the solicitors to work quicker, and acted as a team to push the sale through as fast as possible. We got the keys ten days before the wedding, and I spent a week cleaning, decorating, and moving in our bits and bobs of furniture and our possessions before we moved in on the day of our wedding in mid-July 1988.
We lived there until 1991. By then, the bottom had dropped out of the housing market, and I was friendly with a young estate agent who was the brother of a friend. His advice was to move and move fast. When I protested that the value of our flat had dropped from the £48,000 we had paid for it to a measly £38,000, his reply was: “I hope you like this shoebox then, because if you wait until its value goes back up, you’ll be living here for decades.”
I saw his point and started viewing houses. Then I viewed this house, and the rest, as they say, is history. The house was valued at £40,000. Low even by 1991 standards, but it needed a lot of work doing to it, and at the time, this area of town was considered rough. We had a bikers pub opposite, a gun shop, and many of the premises were boarded up. People told me I was mad, but I didn’t care. I loved this house.
So, we took out a £10,000 loan to be paid off over the next five years, moved our existing mortgage to the new property, and moved in. By this time, my husband was working in Saudi Arabia and would be gone for months at a time, so I took on the job of renovating the house. I went through that first winter with no central heating. I kept warm by wearing lots of layers, open fires, and a horrible gas heater thing that made me feel sick and lightheaded if I had it running for too long.
Fast forward thirty-five years, and that first husband is long gone, as is the second. I have raised a child singlehandedly in this house and seen her safely through university and settled in her own home. There have been ups and downs in my life. Various illnesses, some more serious than others. When my second marriage broke down, I started taking in lodgers to pay the bills because I would have done anything to keep my home. And here I am, thirty-five years later, sitting in a home that’s now worth almost half a million pounds.
There have been a lot of changes to the house and garden. Central heating was installed in 1992. I replaced all the windows with wooden, sliding sash windows in keeping with the age of the property and to conform to the rulings on my street. Although my property itself isn’t listed, the road I live on is, so the exterior of the house, or at least the front aspect, must follow certain rules. The doors and windows must be wooden, not plastic; I can’t slap an ugly extension on. I must be mindful of the age of the property, and solar panels can only be fitted to the back of the property.
The cellar was converted into a usable room over the long, hot, sweaty summer of 1996 by my dad and my uncle, with my brother doing the electrics. And lucky it was because when my second marriage broke down in 2004, it was the basement room that I decided to let out to earn an income.
The garden is unrecognisable from the dense jungle I was confronted with when I first viewed the house in the summer of 1991. Now it’s a beautiful courtyard garden with a mature tree, a pergola, and raised beds.
The location has also changed since 1991, when it was a sad and forgotten part of town. Gentrification happened. The pub changed hands and became respectable, the gun shop closed, new businesses moved into the empty premises, the desirability of period properties was rediscovered, and the old cattle market at the top of my road was torn down to be replaced with a smart new shopping centre and car park. Being within the medieval grid of the town, we saw the value of our properties steadily increase. It’s a short, no-through street, and people rarely move out once they’ve moved in. Our houses are now highly desirable, and I’m always having estate agents’ leaflets shoved through the letterbox, begging me to consider selling.
But I never will.
Well, of course, I can’t say never, because who knows how life will turn. But so long as it is humanly possible, I will stay in this house because it’s more than just a house. It’s a home.
Home has been very much on my mind lately. At the beginning of May, I had 12 days in a row off work. Did I go away? Did I relax? Did I fill my days with lie-ins and lazy leisure pursuits? What do you think? No, I embarked on a deep, and I mean DEEP, cleaning of the house. It took three days just to do the kitchen. Every cupboard was cleared, cleaned, and sorted. Every drawer was gone through. Under each bed was cleared. Piles of stuff to go either to the dump or charity were accumulated. The side of my house looked like Steptoe’s yard with all the rubbish waiting to go.
I replaced faulty lightbulbs, replaced the broken blind in my bedroom, and washed all the curtains and voiles. I cleared out the shed and repainted it. All the old pots half full of paint and stain were examined. Were they still good? Would I be using them? I Googled how to dispose of old paint and, following its advice, bought a small bag of sand to mix into the dregs. I cleaned all the garden fences and freshened them up with a coat of paint. I cleaned and lightly sanded all the exterior windowsills, then applied two coats of stain.
Basically, I stripped the house back to its bones, cleaned it, and put it back together again, and boy, did it feel good. I also bought a new sofa.
Now, my sofas came with me when I moved into the house in 1991. Two very heavy sofa beds, we bought them in 1989 for the whopping sum of £900. In 1989, that was an eye-wateringly huge amount of money. If you think I could do a week’s shopping for two for £10, it will give some perspective as to how much money that was. They were both proper sofa beds with a heavy iron frame that pulled out into a double bed with a decent mattress on, and I wanted them.
Then we moved and hit the first snag when they wouldn’t come through the front door. No matter how much those poor bloody removal men sweated and shoved and grunted, those sofas were not coming in. In the end, ever resourceful, they took the bottom half of the sash window out in the lounge, took the gate off its hinges and lay it from the sturdy front iron fence to the windowsill and managed to slide the sofas in that way. Since then, all the windows have been replaced, so I knew they weren’t going back out the way they came in. It’s always been in my mind that the only way those sofas were leaving this house was in pieces.
But I’ll tell you something, those sofas were worth every penny. They lasted for thirty-seven years before one of them, the one in the lounge, so the one most used, simply fell apart. I’d always said that I wouldn’t buy new sofas until the cat died. She’s a bit messy, what with shedding fluff at an alarming rate, plucking at anything fabric she happens to be lying on, and puking up hairballs with no attempt to get off. When the sofa began to give me a backache and the cushions shrank away from the arms until there was a large gap down the side that I kept falling into, I knew I couldn’t wait until my moggy’s demise; I had to buy a new sofa now.
I found one I liked on Argos. £390, free delivery, and 12-month interest-free credit. It was ironic that it cost less than the old sofa did all those years ago. It wasn’t a sofa bed, though. With two empty guest rooms, I no longer need the extra beds. I’m also guessing that it won’t last almost forty years as the old sofa did, but that’s fine, I don’t suppose I’ll last another forty years either.
My biggest concern was how I would get the old sofa out. And would the new sofa fit through the door? I’d carefully measured and compared the new sofa’s dimensions. It was a shade longer than the old sofa, but length wasn’t the issue; it was the depth that mattered. The old sofa was girthy, and this had caused the problems trying to get it through the very narrow porch and front door. I really didn’t want to try to remove a heavy, double-glazed, sliding sash window. I was fearful I’d never get it back in.
I spoke to a friend who has a very handy husband. He agreed to help and arrived on the day my sofa was due to be delivered, armed with a chainsaw, an angle grinder and more tools than Bob the Builder. The new sofa was due between 2 and 4pm. Mr A was coming at noon. I booked a slot at the recycling yard for 10am. I planned to get the mattress off the sofa bed and get that in the back of my car, along with the cushions, and all the crap I’d cleared from my house and shed.
The day dawned. I was up early and managed to cram everything into the back of my Yaris. My poor car is such a workhorse. I zoomed to the yard and started disposing of everything. Struggling to pull the mattress out of the car, I looked around and spotted a guy in a hi-vis jacket.
“Hey, love,” I called. “Give me a hand with this, please.”
He gave a sort of surprised shrug, but ambled over and helped me yank the mattress from the car and heave it into the appropriate dumpster.
“Thanks,” I said. “Now, I need to ask your advice about some old tins of paint I’ve got.”
“Oh, I don’t work here,” he cheerfully informed me. “I just called in to dump some stuff on my way to work.”
I looked at his hi-vis more closely. It bore the logo of a local scaffolding company.
“Oops,” I laughed. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay,” he said. “I realised I’d worn the wrong top, but I was happy to help.”
I went to find a genuine recycling yard employee. I told him about the paint. He came and looked at it.
“Those two that are dried solid we can take,” he said, poking at them expertly. “The ones that are still liquid we can’t, I’m afraid. But well done for having a go with the paint.”
I didn’t know whether to preen or feel patronised.
Everything unloaded, I dashed home — taking the unacceptable tins of old paint with me — and found when I got back that I’d missed a call from Argos. The delivery drivers were running early. VERY early. Would it be okay if they delivered the sofa at 11.30?
Crap. I messaged Mr A.
Crap, came the reply. I’m on my way.
I looked at the sofa. Perhaps I can remove the slats, I thought, that would speed things along. Nope. They don’t make furniture like they used to. They were bolted in there solid. I’m used to modern slats, all flimsy pressed wood that snap the second you look at them. These slats were solid beechwood.
Mr A turned up. He looked at the slats. Lifted one large foot and stomped them all out of the frame. I took them outside to be broken down at some point for kindling. Mr A tried to angle grind the frame apart, but quickly realised he was probably going to set fire to my carpet. Instead, he drilled out the bolts holding the bed frame to the sofa arms, and the whole mechanism lifted out. Folded up, we just about managed to get it into the back of my car. Then he took a large mallet to the sofa, and the poor thing didn’t stand a chance.
Frankly, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a man have so much fun with a mallet. It looked very therapeutic. It should be available on the NHS. Stressed? Come and smash hell out of a sofa with a mallet. In pieces, it all just about fitted into the back of my car. I then cleaned up the carpet, vacuumed and made us a coffee.
Whilst we waited for Argos to turn up, Mr A looked at where the cable from the microwave snaked up the front of my cupboard to be plugged in at the back.
“What’s going on here?”
“Oh, when my built-in microwave died, I couldn’t find another the right size, so I had to put a standalone one in the slot. The socket is in the cupboard above, and I’ve been waiting for my brother to come with his round saw thingie to cut a hole in the base of the cupboard so the plug can go through.”
Whilst I made coffee, Mr A took everything out of the cupboard, removed the box socket, moved it over so the plug could fit through the hole, replaced the socket and plugged the microwave in.
“Why have you got a lamp in the kitchen?” he asked.
“It’s the under-cupboard lights. They were fitted with the kitchen in 2003, but since then it’s got harder to find the right size bulbs with a low enough voltage that they don’t all blow the second I turn them on.”
By the time I’d poured the coffee, he’d found the correct bulbs in the low voltage online and had sent me the link.
As I said, he’s a handy guy to have around.
We drank our coffee, and then Argos arrived. A few hairy moments were had trying to wiggle the new sofa through the porch and the front door and then pivot it into the lounge. PIVOT. Between the three of them, they managed it.
The sofa fitted nicely in the space. Mr A helped me take all the packaging off and put the feet on. I shoved the packaging in the back of the car with the old sofa and made another appointment at the recycling yard for 4pm to get rid of it all.
The second sofa, the one that stands in the dining room, is still okay, but I do want to replace it this year with a smaller, more compact sofa on legs. I think Mr A is quite looking forward to another cathartic session of “Hulk, smash!”
The new sofa is gorgeous. But it does make the armchair next to it look tatty. So, I’ve seen this armchair on Amazon …
And so, it goes on.
Summer seems to have arrived early in the UK, with temperatures peaking at 35 degrees centigrade, which is a downright rude temperature for May. I’ve been working in my garden a lot, and it makes me happy that plants are beginning to bloom, especially the incredible Rambling Rector rose growing over the pergola. A week ago, there were only tiny buds, but after a few days of sunshine, it exploded into a mass of the prettiest little white roses with pale yellow hearts. I’m told they smell divine, but my Covid nose can’t really smell them. I will just have to enjoy looking at them.
I went to the garden centre yesterday and spent an obscene amount of money on plants. In my defence, I was left unsupervised, and that’s the plan for this afternoon. Some are for the pots and the hanging basket I put on my front steps, and some are for the beds. I’m looking forward to it. Arranging pots is an art form, and it will be a very enjoyable way to spend the rest of Saturday.
With the arrival of June comes the season of live events, and below is a list of fairs I am doing in June and July. If you’re in the area, why not come along?
6th June. I am at the Strawberry Fair in Cambridge. This is an incredible all-day fair that has been running for decades. Come along for a fun family day with stalls, food trucks, and events.
20th June, 5pm. I shall be on a panel at the Foreword Festival Book Event in Eye, Suffolk. The panel is about Suffolk myth and folklore, and I shall be discussing my book, The Forest ~ a tale of old magic ~ alongside two other local authors. You can prebook your tickets on the Foreword Festival website, and the event is taking place in the Hexagon in Eye.
21st June, 11am to 4pm, I am at the Suffolk Day Book Fair in the Town Hall in Eye. I will have books to sign and sell and will be offering gift wrapping as normal. This is also part of the Foreword Festival Book Event in Eye. There are loads of activities happening on the 19th, 20th, and 21st. Some are ticketed, but most are free. There are author readings, a children and YA day, a Father’s Day sports writers’ event, a cookery feature, a dropped mic poetry evening, and so much more. Again, check out their website for full details.
11th July, 10am to 3pm, I will be at the Beach Reads Book Fair in the John Peel Centre in Stowmarket.
25th July, I shall be at Norwich Pride.
As you can see, quite a busy but fun month. It would be lovely to see you. Come along and say hello. Maybe buy a book, as it’s cheaper to buy direct from me than online, and I sign them and include a bookmark plus free gift-wrapping if it’s a present for the bookworm in your life.
Gosh, this is an absolutely huge blog, and those plants won’t plant themselves. Wherever you are, I hope you are well, happy and enjoying your own home, because honestly, there’s no place like it.
Julia Blake



















