I’m having to write my blog early this week because I’m working all weekend. It’s a busy week, so I’m going to try and write it like a diary and chat to you daily about what is happening in the usual craziness that the run-up to Christmas always descends into.
Sunday: As readers of last week’s blog will know, I had my Covid booster jab last Saturday afternoon. As I hadn’t had any side effects from my second jab – other than a weird taste in my mouth – I was hopeful the booster would not cause any issues either. By the time I went to bed Saturday evening, it all seemed fine. Apart from a sore arm which I thought a good night’s sleep would cure, I felt okay. Sunday morning, however, was a very different story.
I awoke to a world of pain. A dry hacking cough, a splitting headache, aching limbs, nausea, an arm that felt like painful lead, plus I couldn’t get warm. Yep. I had Covid again. Struggling to get ready for work, I thought about phoning in sick but simply didn’t dare. I had three weeks off in November and my pay packet at the end of the month reflected this – I couldn’t afford to lose any more pay. Plus, I knew my boss was off so if I called in sick there would only be two members of staff on which isn’t ideal at the weekend.
I dragged my sorry carcass into the shop, where my colleagues were thrilled to see me and hear the wonderful cough I brought with me. We were dead. The nature of our business means that no one is rushing in to buy before Christmas – what with us being unable to deliver many things before Christmas and people deciding to wait until the after Christmas sales – unlike many retail outlets before Christmas is the quietest time of year for us.
The day crept by, I felt more and more ill. The cough grew worse, and I couldn’t stop shaking with cold. Eventually, at about two, a colleague texted my boss that he was concerned about how unwell I was and that if I didn’t go home now he was unsure I’d be fit to drive by the time it was the end of my shift at 4:30. Back came the bosses reply – tell her to go home now.
I went home, secretly very relieved the decision had been made for me. Reaching home, I got into my warm PJ’s, lit the fire, made a cup of tea, and broke into the mini-Christmas cake I’d bought. Lying in a semi-coma on the sofa, I switched on Netflix and let it choose something for me. It came up with possibly the worst Christmas movie I have ever seen. Called A Castle for Christmas, it was so truly dreadful I couldn’t stop watching it.
Starring Brooke Shields and Cary Elwes (who really should have known better), the plot was a predictable one of a burnt-out bestselling American romance novelist escaping to Scotland to explore her family’s roots and falling in love with a castle and its gruff and broke Duke – yes, you’ve guessed it, Cary Elwes attempting a dire Scottish accent. Now, I remember Brooke from the film the Blue Lagoon, that beautiful child star with impressive eyebrows. Well, now those eyebrows are scary, and Brooke was plastered with so much make-up she looked like a drag queen. As for Elwes, let’s just say Mr Time has not been too kind to him either.
The film was the worst possible pastiche of everything America believes to be true about Scotland and contained some of the hammiest acting ever. Too ill to move or change channels, I was sucked into the vortex of its cheesiness and felt my brains leaking out of my ears. What is it about Christmas that brings out the worst in American film producers?
Monday: Woke up feeling worse, my arm was like concrete and worrying painful lumps had developed in my armpit. I assumed they were something to do with my lymph nodes but honestly wasn’t too sure what they were. I rested all day, doing only a little light editing and social media work. In the late afternoon, I decided I needed to at least get all my Christmas cards written – I tend to receive quite a few so must reciprocate, plus I wasn’t sure when the last posting dates were abroad so needed to get those cards written and addressed if nothing else. Attempting to get myself in the mood, I put on another Christmas film – The Christmas Chronicles with Kurt Russell – and started writing.
The film finished, I was still writing cards, so I let Netflix choose another film. Bizarrely it went from a family-friendly feel-good film to a potty-mouthed, 18+, Jennifer Aniston film called The Christmas Party, which was entertaining enough to provide company, but not so engrossing that I’d lose the plot attempting to write cards. So, I guess, well played Netflix. By the time I went to bed, nearly all my cards were written, addressed, and sorted into piles.
Tuesday: I felt much better about things. True, my arm still hurt but all the other symptoms seemed to have gone away. Eating breakfast, I wondered what to do with the day and got my calendar completely up to date with all my work shifts, appointments, and other shenanigans happening over the festive season. To my horror, I realised that today was the only day I had clear to put up Christmas decorations before Miss F came home from university. There was nothing for it, I was going to have to sparkle and twinkle up!
I used to love decorating the house, now it feels like a chore. Is that a sign of getting older, I wonder? When things that weren’t hard work at all become energy-sapping, time sucks. The lodger had gone to work, so at least he was out of the way, so I pulled out all the decorations from their various hiding places, turned on the radio in the lounge and the dining room and got to work.
With a few slight variations each year I tend to put the decorations in the same place so at least I knew what I was doing, and I was surprised how quickly I got things up. By three I was vacuuming up all the sparkly bits from the carpets. Slipping across the road to Wilkes, I realised that it was pouring down with cold miserable rain, and judging by how much water there was everywhere, had been doing so all day.
I only needed a few bits from Wilkes – some special cards, batteries, crackers, some toiletries – so it was a shock when it came to £40. And that right there is the problem with Christmas. The expense sort of creeps up on you. It’s only a few bits, you think, and individually those few bits don’t cost much. But add them all together, and bam, £40 gone. Looking at the pile of cards to post it’s probably going to cost me another £40 in stamps – especially for America! I needed to buy a 2022 calendar before they all disappeared and was thrilled to find a gin one with a different gin cocktail recipe each month. It’s the little things that make you happy and keep you sane.
Dashing about Wilkes – trying to avoid the idiots not wearing masks – the store radio was claiming that it was The Most Wonderful Time of the Year – is it? Is it really? Looking around at all the wet, exhausted, miserable-looking people I would seriously question that claim.
Quiet evening, simple dinner in front of the TV, then I finished writing my cards with four cards to spare. Only hope I haven’t forgotten anyone – well, it’s okay so long as it’s only four people, any more than that and I’m stuffed. Then I had an early night because I knew Wednesday would be uber busy.
Wednesday: Up early and beat the lodger to the shower. Ha-ha, too slow sucker, you snooze you lose. Then put on a load of laundry and posted on social media. I’m waiting for one last present to be delivered from Amazon this morning, but they’ve promised it will be here before ten so that’s all right. Going to have a decent brunch because I won’t have time to stop and eat at lunchtime.
It’s 10:30, still no sign of Amazon. Typical. Now about to have brunch and I need to go out at 12:30 so hope they deliver before then.
Trying to keep the momentum up, I put away the laundry as soon as it came out of the drier, wrote a book review, made some social media posts ready for the busy days ahead, then had an email from Amazon rescinding the promised 10pm delivery and changing it to 3:30pm onwards. Great, thanks for that Amazon, still at least there’s a chance I will be home by 3:30 so I suppose it’s better than it could have been.
At 12:30 I jumped in the car and drove to work to pay for and collect the mattress I’m buying Miss F for Christmas to go on top of the wooden board the university have provided for her to sleep on. They loaded it into my car, and I zoomed off to Tesco to collect my shopping order and go to the bottle bank to destroy the evidence … ahem, help the planet by recycling all my jars and bottles … There were quite a few bits and pieces for Christmas in this week’s shop, including another Christmas cake because I ate all the last one already. #sorrynotsorry The assistant brought the crates out to my car, and I must confess, it didn’t look very much. It seems £80 buys you very little grocery wise nowadays.
I’m loading it into my car and suddenly think – hang on, where’s my fricking gin? As my Christmas treat I’d ordered myself a bottle of pink cherry gin and some tonic water. The tonic water was there, but no sign of the gin. I beckoned the assistant back, showed him the gin on my shopping list which means I will be charged for it, then gestured to my gin-less shopping.
Oh, he said, would you like me to go and see if I can get some from the shop for you?
Umm, let me think about that … yes, please!
So off he lopes whilst I finish loading my shopping then sit in the car to wait for him, thinking how I didn’t have time for this, but sympathising because I know it’s not his fault. As usual, it’s because someone else hasn’t done their job properly, also how shit it is to work in retail. Anyway, five minutes later back he comes with my gin and I’m away.
I roar home, grab the shopping from the boot and quickly put it away, grab the cards I need to take to my parents and the big pile that need to be posted, jump back in the car and head out of town with the mattress bumping about in the back. And before anyone asks, it was a rolled-up one which had been vacuum packed to within an inch of its life and I’d put down one of the back seats, so it just fitted in.
On route to my parents’ village, I made a very brief stop at the discount supermarket Audi, ran in, found the freezers, and bagged myself one of their turkey crowns. Already prepared with stuffing and bacon and in a cooking container, it serves eight and cost £18. Bargain! No point in spending £30+ on a whole turkey just for four or five of us when this will do nicely and has already been prepped for me. It also saves buying stuffing – although I may buy some extra anyway because we’re all pigs over stuffing.
Back in the car, I jump on the motorway and zoom to my parents’ village and enter from the other end so I can hit their local post office. After the hour-long wait, I experienced in the post office in town the last time I had to post something it made sense to use the rather wonderful little village post office whilst I was out there anyway.
It was empty apart from one lady sending a couple of things to the States and another very frail old dear who tottered in with a walking frame after me. Eyeing the single small parcel, she was clutching I asked if she’d like to go before me because I had quite a lot to do and I was very afraid she might fall over if had to stand for too long. Shakily she wobbled past me – seriously unsteady on her pins – and upon being told it was going to be over £6 to send her parcel to the States she nearly expired on the spot. It’s more expensive than what’s inside, she complained. Yep, no surprise there, grandma, postage prices have skyrocketed as well.
Then it was my turn – I was sending off cards – one to Germany, one to Australia, two to Canada, five to America, one first-class to the UK, and eleven second class UK – £21. Not as bad as I was expecting, to be honest.
Done in the post office in super quick time – in your face, town centre post office – I then went to my parents where Dad helped me heave the mattress out of the car. He was surprised how heavy it was despite it only being a four-foot mattress, but it is a proper mattress with springs and everything and will certainly be a lot more comfortable than what she’s currently sleeping on. The plan is for it to sit at my parent’s house until the morning of the fifteenth when I will swing around on my way up north to collect Miss F and Dad will help me load it back into the car. I only hope I don’t forget and merrily bomb off up the motorway and only remember when I hit Birmingham!
There was just time for a very quick coffee with my folks before it was back in the car and head back to town to miss the school run traffic and be home before the 3:30 deadline. I knew Amazon probably wouldn’t turn up bang on 3:30 if I was there. But also knew if I wasn’t there they definitely would. Reaching home at 3:20, I put the car seats back to rights, dragged the bin out ready for the morning – heavy rain is forecast again and there’s nothing worse than fighting a dirty great bin in the rain when you’re dressed ready for work.
I’d written cards for many of my neighbours so ran around and popped those through letterboxes, then swept up all the dead leaves from my front steps before the rain started and they all got wet and soggy again.
Still trying to keep the momentum going – I know if I stop and sit down then it’s hard to get going again – I stood and did a whole basketful of ironing and put it away. And now I’m sitting here writing this and Amazon have finally delivered the parcel – it’s 5:45 – so at least I can wrap that last present and think about dinner. It’s been a good day; everything has gone like clockwork. I’m suspicious, nothing usually goes that smoothly, so what’s going to go wrong? Am I an old cynic? Probably.
Thursday: It was a workday, so there’s not much to say about it other than it was a very quiet day – well, apart from the bloody lodger making as much noise as he possibly could trying to get out of the house at 5:45 this morning! He must have forgotten something because he left the house slamming the front door behind him, then a second later was letting himself back in, stomping down the hallway and slamming a few more doors just in case the first round hadn’t woken me up!
Unlike many retailers, before Christmas is not our busy period. After all, we have very few things we can still deliver this side of Christmas and people are waiting until the Boxing Day and January sales to buy. I did manage to pop to Dunelm next door in my lunch break and pick up another Christmas present though. Getting home, I was tired, hungry, and cold so treated myself to fish and chips for dinner, which were lovely and exactly what I needed.
Friday: I was woken early again this morning by the lodger trying to get out of the house at silly o’clock. Seriously, dude, it’s not that complicated! Close the doors quietly, don’t slam them. Don’t stomp down the hallway in your big boots. Don’t make so much noise unlocking the front door. Don’t slam it. Don’t decide to have a major coughing fit on the front doorstep because that’s right under my bedroom window. And finally, please please please, do not shut the cat in the hallway so she slinks upstairs and jumps on my head!
After lying there muttering obscenities about him for ten minutes, I decided I might as well get up and get ready. I’m off to my dear friend and fellow author Becky Wright for lunch today. It was so wonderful to see her for real again after so long of relying on messages and the odd video chat. We had coffee and cake, then a lovely lunch, and we sat in her conservatory and chatted away for hours about all things bookish.
Becky lives in a very quiet little village, and I had parked my car on the private, no through lane at the back of her house. The only vehicle we saw at all the whole time I was there was a large Amazon delivery van that dropped off a parcel at her neighbours. So, you can imagine my shock and horror when I went to leave at 3pm and discovered my back windscreen was shattered with a huge hole in one side of it and glass everywhere!
I couldn’t believe it! The only explanation is that the Amazon van must have thrown up a stone when he roared off down the lane which struck my windscreen and shattered it. I phoned my insurance company who registered the claim and told me the auto glass repair people would be in touch about replacing the windscreen. That was all well and good, but it didn’t solve the problem of how I was going to get home.
Very gingerly, Becky and I taped copious amounts of bin bags over the whole back end of the car to try and stabilise it a little and ensure that when the glass fell – which, first bump in the road, it was going to – it wouldn’t fall out onto the road behind. Then I got in the car, tried to shut the door gently, cringed at the sound of falling glass behind me, then carefully set off for home.
I will never forget that journey, it was an absolute nightmare. Almost completely dark by now, it was that weird greyish black that makes vision difficult and blurs ongoing headlights in your eyes. Not daring to go very fast, I crept along at 30 miles an hour and in my wing mirror, I could see the headlights of the long tailback I was causing strung out on the road behind me stretching back for miles. I felt guilty because although the car immediately behind would be able to see the taped-up windscreen and realise that was the problem, everyone else in the queue must have just thought I was an arse.
The road is a busy one but is only single lane and there is nowhere for anyone to overtake. Big lorries thunder along the road and every time one of those giants roared past me the bin bags would snap and rustle like mad and I was terrified they would be ripped off. Even going slowly and doing my best to avoid any potholes I saw; my whole journey home was accompanied by the sound of great chunks of glass dropping down into the car. It sounded like when you are defrosting the freezer and big chunks of ice drop down.
It felt like the drive home lasted forever and I have never been so relieved in all my life to reach home and park the car outside my house.
Saturday: I must work all weekend because a colleague is on holiday, so I was up early and preparing for work when all I wanted to do was stay in bed. Making my packed lunch in the kitchen, I heard my mobile phone ringing in the lounge so ran to grab it, thinking it might be the auto glass repair people. My stupid cat, who was crouched munching up her breakfast biscuits in the corner of the kitchen, got all excited at my sudden movement and decided she wanted in on the action. Racing me down the hall, she charged into the lounge in front of me, doubled back between my feet and sent me flying onto the sofa. Grabbing at the phone that was on the arm, I flipped it open and gasped out a hello – forgetting the phone was still plugged into the charger – so it was ripped out of my hands and fell on the floor. Picking it up, I could hear a woman’s voice going hello, hello down the line. It was the glass people.
Sadly, because of the age of the car, they’d had to order the glass specially and it wouldn’t be arriving until Sunday evening. Great, so that meant I’d have to drive to work two days with the car in that state and park it in a busy public car park. They were wondering, she continued, would I be able to drive the car to my nearest repair shop which was in Cambridge? Cambridge?! A good forty-minute drive away on a fast and busy motorway. Absolutely no bloody way!
Explaining to the woman what a dangerous and stupid idea that was, she said she thought given the severity of the incident that it seemed a bit off, so she’d put me down for a home repair. Umm, yes, I should think so. So, they’re coming Monday which is the best day for them to come as I’m out Tuesday and going to get Miss F on Wednesday, so at least it will be fixed by then. The lady couldn’t give me a time but told me the repair team would text me early Monday morning with a time slot so at least I can plan my day around it. Monday is my last chance to shop for presents for Miss F and collect a few more things from town, so I didn’t want to be stuck in the house all day waiting for them.
Work was quiet – as I expected it to be – and all we seemed to be selling were rolled up mattresses which people could take away with them, bedding, and pillows. The day did drag a bit, especially as I was on a long shift until six. Typically, we had people walk into the shop five minutes before closing time. But they only wanted a mattress to take away, so it wasn’t too bad, and I only did twenty-five minutes of unpaid overtime and at least got a sale out of it – even if it was only a small one.
And now it’s early Sunday morning and I’m writing these last few words before posting the blog for you to read with your Sunday coffee (or tea). As the madness of Christmas descends, I hope you all stay safe, well, and calm. Remember, it’s only a day and most of what you think is important really isn’t. So long as you are with your loved ones, are warm, and have enough to eat and drink, then that’s all that matters.
Speak to you next week.
Julia Blake